(...)

I remember when I first had to cut and shave your hair. I was 10. It was the first time I had ever done it, and the last one too. I felt weird, and sad. and I remember not knowing how to do it properly. it's weird because it was all I had to do, shave it off. but still, I was afraid to do it wrong. and that's basically how I feel every time I do something. "what if I'm doing it wrong?" that's the question I often ask myself. of course, no one answers back, because there's no one that listens. and I honestly doubt that there is a precise answer to every time I ask it. and the sad thing is that I think that, someday, I won't have to worry about it anymore. and you're surely asking yourself how can that be something negative. well, as sadistic as it might sound, I know that one day, you'll be gone. literally. you will be gone, probably sooner than we all expect, and you'll take a piece of all of us with you. I've already marked that day in my calendary, allthough I don't know when it's going to be. and people tell me to have posistive thoughts, to hope. but I'm done hoping, I stopped doing it long ago. just because I learned that hope doesn't bring you anywhere. I might as well prepare myself for the worse, so maybe, I'll be surprised. and people might say that it's mean to think like that. why is it mean? I'm just facing facts. I won't be a hipocrit and start storytelling, I won't rely on god when I don't feel that he is with me or that he even exists. That's why I will only rely on facts, until hope proves me wrong.and yes, I'm perfectly conscient that I wrote "god" and not "God".

4 comments:

  1. eu cheguei a ler este texto no teu fb.
    não sei que dizer jen, é triste e de certa maneira compreendo a tua forma de encarar... não acho que seja maldade, apenas uma forma que tem as suas razões de ser.
    well, you know that if you need, I'm right here baby :) *

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