space bound

and the one who said that physical pain was the most unbearable lied. lied big time. because this one ... damn, this one is the unbearable one. it feels like my heart is locked in a cage, where it can't even beat. this damn cage is squeezing and squeezing it and at each squeeze, a tear falls down my face. who knew hearts could cry? and who knew this emptiness could hurt? well, I know it now, too. I understand now why people are so fucked up when they ache for someone. and honestly, I'm not curious anymore to know how it feels like to feel like this. it was always a big mistery for me. "Oh, I bet it must be an amazing feeling." I always thought. NO! NO, NO and NO! it's not! I hate it. Hate is indeed a strong word but I don't think that hate is enough to describe how much I hate this feeling! It's sort of a contradiction to hate love, but that's the way I feel right now. I hate love and as long as it feels like this, I don't wanna feel it ever again. E-V-E-R again. and I guess love is the only thing I can hate right now, because, being the weak weirdo I am, I'm not even able to hate you, or myself. I still don't know what this is, why it is like this and not otherwise. and if otherwise is better, I'd rather feel otherwise. I don't know what I have to do to get over this and what I should or shouldn't do. I know nothing! nothing. this empty nothing that fills my thoughts. and again a contradition. how can something empty fill something else? Well, guess what? I don't know that either. I bet if I saw this from the outside, I would laugh, laugh out loud. because this is so pathetic. like me, I feel like such a pathetic creature. so pathetic ... while my tears keep washing off my face.