Space Bound (3)

It's easy for people to tell us not to quit. to say that when we want something very badly, we're able to get it, to make it ours, if we fight for it. I couldn't disagree more. there is so much subjectivity around that subject and, by the way, how can people affirme that when the things that we want don't depend on us? It's unfair when they tell us "if you don't fight for what you want, you have already lost it." yeah, I don't think that we can lose something we don't possess.
I could tell you a thousand lies. I could tell you that every bone of my body doesn't shake when you pass by or come to me. I could tell you that I don't blush just like that when I feel you near, that I don't get sad when I see you in a room and I feel frightened to go talk to you. That I don't spend half of my days thinking about things that envolve you. That I never wonder if you like talking to me as much as I like talking to you, that I never get jealous of other girls. but like I said: I could tell you a thousand lies. and being a liar is not really what I do best.
It's been a little less than two months and, to be honest, I think I've already felt half of the things that I could feel. a weird sort of happiness, butterflies, sadness, anger, disappointement, stress, anxiety, peace, and so on. and the worst is when all those feelings attack me all together. they, literally, crush me into the ground. ok, not literally, but you get my point.
and yeah, in case you're wondering, I do realize that you are probably going to read this. and I also realize that you might get tired of it, that you might not like it, that you might not think that it's serious, that you might think this or that. It might push you further away from me to the point that we stop speaking, well, to the point that you stop speaking to me. but, honestly, I can tell you, with the whole 100% of the insecurity that lies in me, that I don't really care. I'm just trying to force me to think about it, with hope that my heart will get tired of it. but he's a fighter, and unlike myself, he really believes that when you want something very badly, you have to fight for it, kind of like "you can't expect going through fire without to sweat." That's why you can pretty much conclude that I'm fucked up. But something tells me that I will soon let it behind. yeah, believe it or not, I will maybe let it be. because I can't handle it, it's starting to be too much. It's a whole other level where I've never played and game over seems to be closer than I think.