subconscious wants

They were supposed to meet at a bar, the usual one. When she arrived, he was already sitting on the table, by the window, drinking his coffee and smoking his cigarette. “He still smokes.” she thought. They smiled at each other, but her smile was a little bit forced. She sat on the chair and ordered a coffee, too.
“Sorry I’m late” she apologized.
“It’s okay, I didn’t have to wait that much” he assured. They smiled at each other, again. She took his cigarette box and pulled out a cigarette. He thought it was unusual, but didn’t comment it out loud.
“Is something wrong?” he asked. He had to wait for the answer, because she was turning on the cigarette. She inhaled the smoke, letting it burn in her throat until she decided to let it out again.
“We need to talk.” she affirmed. “Actually, I need to talk and you need to listen.”
“Okay.” Though he thought it was weird, he didn’t comment that either.
“Your coffee, please.”
“Oh, thanks. Let me pay it right away.” She took some coins out of her pocket and handed them to the waiter. “Keep the change” he thanked her with a smile and left.
“So, where was I…Oh, yes” She drank a little bit of her coffee.”
“I think we should stop talking”
He was definitely not expecting that one, especially not from her.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked, perplexed.
“I said I do the talking.”
“Sorry” he apologized.
“As I was saying, I think we should stop talking. I mean, we both know what I feel for you, and what you feel for me. And your feelings are not the same as mine. That wasn’t an issue at the beginning, a couple of years ago. But things change. The feelings are getting deeper and stronger and harder to deal with. At least mine are. Honestly, I don’t want to sound emo, but it’s killing me. Plus, when you talk about her, I have the urge need to punch you in the face. Don’t ask me why, I just feel like it.” She continued to smoke her cigarette and played with the coffee spoon. “You don’t know how hard it is. Sometimes it’s easier, when I have a lot going on, when I don’t have time to be thinking about you. But most of the time, it’s hard. I don’t know if you know how much you mean to me, but to make you a picture of it, you’re one of the rare people I actually can’t see myself without. Maybe it’s cheesy, but right now, I don’t really care.” She took a deep breath. He was sitting there, not moving a bit of his body. He wanted to say something, anything. But he remained mute. “I’m not done yet; I’m just trying to find the right terms to express myself. I actually wanted to rehearse it at home; but I figured it would be stupid and so not me. Anyway, my point is: I have everything I’ve always wanted in my life. I’ve got my little apartment in the city, my column in the local newspaper, my dog and my book is about the get published. I just feel so accomplished and good about everything. But then there’s you, the last thing I want, the only thing I can’t have. When I think about you, and believe me, it happens often, I feel a huge need to have you. Not in the way I already do, as a best friend, but in a much more intense way. But that’s not going to happen. So yeah, that’s why I decided to…alienate myself from you. At least for a while, you know? I think it’s for the best. You have her and I have…Sunny.” She laughed. He couldn’t help to laugh, too, even though he felt sad. “Believe it or not, in some occasions, dogs can be the best thing in a girl’s life. But yeah, I guess I’m done.” She affirmed.
He remained silent; he was scared that his words could make the whole situation more awkward and melancholic. He was actually chocked that she had made that decision. He didn’t even notice that his cigarette had now become ashes in the ashtray. She finished her coffee, now cold, and her cigarette. After that, she looked at him in the eyes and he didn’t bother to look away.
“If you don’t have anything to say, I better leave.” She said, stumbling a bit.
“Oh, I can talk now?” he asked.
She looked away and smiled, nodding in the same time.
“I can’t tell you much. You know that you mean a lot to me, too. You shouldn’t even doubt about that. I already told you that you’re the only girl…” she interrupted him. “Tell me straight up something that I haven’t heard from you before. Please.”
“Okay, sorry. What I want to say is that me and her, we’ve been together for a long time. She loves me and I like hanging out with her, she’s nice, you know?”
“I said ‘something that I haven’t heard from you before’.” She repeated.
He didn’t know what to say, he never knew what to say about that entire situation. They remained silent for a while, one looking out the window, the other one still playing with the coffee spoon and finished her cigarette.
“I got to go now.” She announced. “I’ll see you around, someday.” She ended her cigarette and pressed it against the bottom of the ashtray. She put on her leatherjacket and kissed him on his forehead. She walked through the door and he watched her as she passed in front of the window and ran across the street, where she entered a bus and disappeared, leaving behind the only thing she had ever wanted, but had now given it up.


  1. so sad, but somehow, passionate. loved it (L)

  2. gostei bué , mas mesmo bué!!!
    história criada a partir de realidade, de emoções sentidas.

  3. A few little mistakes, but I fucking loved it. It's genius. Really, congrats dude. and heeey, I know where that comes from xD I know what your subconscious was thinking :D


  4. brutal, mesmo. adorei, parabéns